In The Shadows
by YL
Summary: In the shadows she stood. And in the shadows she cried. Because in the shadows, she always will be. Inoue's thoughts revolving around Ichigo, Rukia and herself. Based on Chapter 196. ONE SHOT


**Disclaimer: **This is mine, but Bleach isn't.

**Notes:  
**One Shot. This is based on the last two pages of chapter 196, with clear references to some stuff in chapter 195. Inoue's thoughts, or more like angst...

I hope all of you will enjoy it!

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**In the Shadows**

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"_Next time, I will definitely protect you!"_

Such beautiful words. Such a determined voice. Such strong eyes.

The normal Ichigo had returned.

"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun…" She paused, unable to make herself turn back to face that person who brought Ichigo back.

She could not stop the tears. She could not stop the slight bitterness that came through her smile of relief. She could not stop the upsurge of emotions that threatened to overwhelm and drown her.

She wanted it to be her, she wanted it to be her to bring Ichigo back, she wanted it _not _to be Rukia… She wanted to understand, so desperately _needed_ to understand how to help Ichigo. She just wanted herself to be that person who could bring Ichigo back.

She fought for him, she stood by him, she wanted to protect him…

But she could not. She could not protect him, she could not help him and she could not bring back that Ichigo she used to know. Instead, she brought him more pain. She saw the look in his eyes. That sadness, that guilt, that torment in those eyes which apologized to her as she lay in bed, unable to move from the injuries.

She knew it was _her_ fault that she got herself wounded. She knew it was _her_ fault that Ichigo was hurt. And she knew it was _her_ fault that he kept having those eyes because he felt that he had let her down, that he had let Chad down, that he had let the whole world down. She did not want him to have such eyes. She did not want him to have such an expression. She did not want to let _him_ down.

She could keep smiling at him. She could keep pretending that her injuries did not hurt. She could keep pretending that she was ten times stronger than what she really was. She could keep pretending that she was not afraid. She could keep pretending that nothing was wrong with the world.

She could even keep pretending that she could be the person to pull him back from that abyss he was plummeting into.

But no.

She could not be that person, no matter how hard she tried.

"_Next time, I will definitely protect you!"_

Such beautiful words. But the beauty was not because of her.

Such a determined voice. But the determination was not because of her.

Such strong eyes. But the strength was not because of her.

So she could no longer keep pretending. She could not reach into that abyss and save him. Only Rukia can. Only this petite woman from another world can. With her kind eyes, gentle smile and strange ways, only she can save him.

Sometimes she wished she could hate Rukia for bringing so much suffering into Ichigo's life. For making Ichigo face dangerous Hollows everyday. For making Ichigo go to such impossibly great lengths to save her. For making Ichigo face even more powerful adversaries after he had returned. But the she knew she could not hate her. Because Rukia gave up everything to save Ichigo, and in return, Ichigo gave up everything to save Rukia. She understood that. Everything that happened, happened because they wanted it to happen. There was no one to blame, no one to hate.

Perhaps the only thing that she hated was the fact that Rukia stayed behind. And perhaps the only other thing that she hated was that Rukia returned. But when she saw that the old, familiar Ichigo had suddenly come back, she knew that the battle had ended before it had even begun. It was only because Rukia had stayed and returned, was she finally able to see, with startling clarity, that she would never win. She could never win this strange, petite little lady that changed his world so completely.

And now her tears refused to stop. The bitterness refused to go away. The emotions refused to disappear. Because she had lost. She had so totally, utterly, absolutely lost. She had lost to Kuchiki Rukia. And she knew that she would never win.

"_Next time, I will definitely protect you!"_

Such sweet, sweet words. If only those words were truly meant solely for her.

"Thank you…" Tears in her eyes and a smile that hid the defeat she felt inside, she finally turned behind and faced her. "…Kuchiki-san…"

And Rukia smiled. A sincere and slightly embarrassed smile, together with the tiniest of a blush across her cheeks. She was such a lovely woman. If it was Rukia… if it was Rukia who would stand by Ichigo and support him all the way… perhaps she would not mind staying in the shadow forever, watching him quietly…

Inoue forced her smile to widen a little more. "And welcome back."

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**- End -**

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**Post-Chapter Notes: **

Can one think of so many things in a few seconds? Heh, well, why not?

Nevertheless, I hope you guys liked it, though it was probably painfully angsty (I remember my most common reviews are "heartbreaking", "bittersweet" and other stuff along that line, hence generalised into"angst" :D). Heh. I know that angst, anger, bitterness, sorrow are not exactly words that will describe our darling Inoue, but still, the human psychology is filled with great mysteries. We are strange creatures. One can never be sure what we are thinking inside.

Oh my goodness... I just realised it's 5.00am. And I have to wake up 2 hours later to go to choir! I really have to find more normal times to write my fanfics...

Anyway, thank you for reading!

P.S. I love Inoue. She is such a strong girl. It isn't her fault for all that happened though she would likely to blame herself as well, since she did blame herself probably to make Ichigo feel better (in chapter 195) because she cares so much for him.She did not even have to volunteer to put herself in the line of danger all the time. But she did. For Ichigo. That's why Iadore her so much. But still, I love the idea of Ichigo x Rukia more, believing that love can conquer all. Call me the helpless romantic. And well, I like Inoue x Ishida better too. : )


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